Are Men Bored in Church Today?

Recently I read John Eldredge's book "Wild at Heart" which puts forth the premise that the majority of church worship and activities don't appeal to men.  Eldredge's theory is that churches today offer activities and a view of what it means to be faithful that are more inherent and natural to women than men, and because of this, men find their faith experience lacking and out of touch with who they are as men.

I read this book for a book club, and the discussions it provoked lasted over three days.  I've been in book club for five years now, and no other book has generated this response.  I heard from guys who said the book was passed around their fraternity because it resonated with guys in both their personal and Faith lives.  I heard guys I'd known for years, strong men whom I respect, talk about hearing from an early age "don't do this, don't do that" and feeling like what they did inherently as men was wrong.  Then, when they go to church they feel like they hear a similar message that tells them there is only one way for them to worship or practice their faith.  And it's usually a way that appeals more to women than men.  Look at most church bulletins today and what do you see?  Bible groups, adult Sunday school classes, prayer groups.  A lot of groups for sitting around and talking or sharing.  And we all know how much men just love to sit around and share with each other.  But seriously, where are the activities or groups that appeal to men and how they contribute or express themselves best?  In most churches, they are far and few between.

We need both masculine and feminine expressions of faith in our churches and the world today.  Just as God created man and woman to be complimentary to each other, so their different ways of demonstrating Faith are complimentary to each other too.  Yes, there are guys who are comfortable in expressing their Faith through prayer or meditation and taking part in male faith discussion groups at church.  But many more need something else.  They need volunteer projects or other non-verbal or action-oriented ways to express their Faith.  Think back to the message on Pentecost Sunday.  We each contribute something to the Faith and in our own ways.  So why should a man be encouraged to contribute to the Faith in ways that are familiar and natural to a woman and not to a man?  He shouldn't.  Men should be encouraged to find ways to express their Faith that matches who they are as men.  And men are wild.  They take risk, they fight, they protect, they are warriors.  So we should encourage them to be warriors for Christ instead of telling  them to sit in the corner and pray as if that's the only acceptable way to express their Faith.

* Footnote-  In researching all of this online for the last 2 weeks I came across something that summarizes the premise of "Wild at Heart" and how the majority of men feel about churches today very well.  I'll tell you upfront that I don't agree with some of his ideas on how egalitarian a church should be, but the basic ideas expressed do match with what I've read and heard from men in the last two weeks:

http://www.drurywriting.com/keith/9male.htm

Should I Stay or Should I Go Now?

Yes, this is the title of one of my fav Clash songs, but this post isn't about music.  It's about a specific struggle we all go through in making certain decisions in our personal and professional lives- do we stay, or do we go?

I've watched more friends than I can count in the last couple of years struggle with whether to stay or go in certain situations.  Some are even struggling now, myself included.  And it's never a clear answer as to which is the easiest to do.  If I stay, am I truly making the best decision for that particular situation?  Or do I stay because it's the safe thing to do?  Am I staying for the sake of others but to my own detriment?  Do I stay because while my current situation isn't great, I've become complacent and just don't want to deal with a change or rock the boat in my life?  Or does starting over just seem too hard or daunting?  Between the two, I think staying is the one people choose most often, or at least at first, because it involves the least amount of risk.  After all, if we stay, we have a pretty good idea of what we're getting ourselves into.  The risk of the unknown is usually pretty minimal if we stay.

Going, on the other hand, that's the scary one.  Even when we know deep down inside it's the right thing to do.  That's the jump off the high dive.  The road less traveled.  It's like driving in the fog when you can only see what's right in front of you.  Quite simply, it's the choice that scares the pants off of each and every one of us, whether we want to admit it or not.

If we're lucky though, like Lewis and Clark, we have someone to help guide the way through the frontier for us.  It may be a trusted friend who helps look out for our best interest (and not theirs).  It may be our faith along with the comfort and guidance of God, Jesus, Mary, a Saint or a Spiritual Director who inspires us.  It may be the example of someone else who's tread a similar path and can help show us the way.  Or quite simply someone to cheer us on without being a "yes man" at the same time. 

Whatever you decide, just make sure you think your decision through carefully.  There's nothing worse than leaving hastily or in the heat of the moment.  Trust me on this one.

So, in your own life, should you stay or should you go now?

In the Blink of an Eye

"The bitterest tears shed over graves are for words left unsaid and deeds left undone." - Harriett Beecher Stowe

You never realize how quickly death can come and how omnipresent it is until someone you know passes suddenly.  And it gives you pause to think about all the things you would change, the things left unsaid and the actions left undone.  The fences you would mend and and the hurts you would apologize for or try to make amends over.  The petty grievances in your life that are just that, petty and so unnecessary.  Because you realize that the opportunity for all of these things can be gone in an instant.

I understand that you may not be ready or scared to take an action.  Or that it may not be possible for you to contact someone whom you need to offer a healing word to right now.  That's ok, sometimes we have to work ourselves up to these things or circumstances may be beyond our control. So for today, I offer my blog to everyone as a way to say what you need to say.  Whether it's acknowledging someone who has passed and telling them how much they meant to you, a hurt you need to heal or a pledge to take an action. Today, this space belongs to all of you.  Feel free to use the comments section below to say what you need to say.

May God Bless you on your journey.  And for all those who have passed, eternal rest grant unto them O Lord, and may the Perpetual Light shine upon them.

Teacher Envy

Over the last couple of weeks I've watched an interesting phenomenon on FB.  Almost every teacher I know on FB has posted a countdown to the school year at some point.  Seeing those reminds me of the constant private sector/teacher debate over how much time teachers really get off in the summer.  And then it hit me, do we envy teachers their time off or is what we envy more about what the time represents?

Think about when you were in school.  No matter how bad a school year was, you always had next year.  There was always a break to regroup, evaluate and reinvent yourself for the next year.  You always had the hope that things could "be better next year".  And when you spend over 1/4 of your life going to school, it's a hard thought process to break out of in life.  The idea that you need a break to clear your head and plan or hope for something new.

For those of us who chose to go into the private sector, that opportunity is no more.  Unless we take a sabbatical or  "leave of absence" such opportunities to take a step back and re-evaluate don't exist in our lives on a regular basis.  Our hope for something new usually means finding a new job, and those are not easy to find any more.  So we envy those whom we think have such an opportunity.

Now bear with me, I know this next part is a slightly strange analogy.  I've recently seen "Out of Africa" on HBO several times and when I think about the whole "time off envy" I'm reminded of a story Robert Redford's character relays.  He talks about a tribe in Africa that has no concept of the future, they think and live strictly in the present.  Because of that, his character relates, when you put them in prison they die.  They imagine that their life will always be as it is in that moment.  They can't imagine that at some point in the future things will change.  They have no hope.

I think those of us in the private sector are like those African tribesman.  When we look at our jobs, we can't imagine anything different.  We can't see a new beginning or the opportunity to craft that new beginning.  And the only time we remember having that new beginning or opportunity was when we were in school.  So we look at those whose jobs still revolve around the school year and we envy them their time to regroup and hope for something new. Again, it's not the actual days off that we think they have, but what those days represent that we may in fact be envying.