Sorry Seems to be the Hardest Word, Part 2

"I've been tryin' to get down/To the heart of the matter/But my will gets weak/And my thoughts seem to scatter/But I think it's about...forgiveness"  lyrics from The Heart of the Matter by Don Henley

So last week I wrote about asking for forgiveness and forgiving others.   This week I'm wrapping things up  with a few musings on accepting forgiveness and forgiving ourselves.

You might think that accepting forgiveness is easy.  I say "I'm sorry" to someone, they say "Apology accepted" or something similar- how hard can that be?  But what if we don't ask for forgiveness?  What if we don't think we did anything wrong but someone has chosen to forgive us for something we did?  Accept it graciously and move on.  When someone tells us they've forgiven us for something, what they're also telling us is "You did something that hurt me.".  We might not think of the thing as hurtful or wrong, but the person on the receiving end did.  So in that moment, we should put ourselves aside and accept the forgiveness offered to us graciously.  Denying what we did or how we hurt that person only adds to the hurt that person felt.  It also keeps us from taking a hard look at ourselves and recognizing that there may be something in us that needs to change.  By offering forgiveness, that person is offering us an opportunity to learn and grow.  Don't let the opportunity pass you by.

Now I come to the hardest person of all to forgive- ourselves.  If you don't think you need to forgive yourself for something, I ask you one simple question- Do you have any regrets?  If the answer is "yes" then you need to forgive yourself.  If we have regrets, it usually means we took a course of action or didn't do something and the outcome was not to our liking or we hurt someone dear to us.  So we have no one to blame but ourselves.  And to heal from that mistake, we have to forgive ourselves.  We have to face that we're where we are of our own volition and accept it.  Then we have to learn from it  and recognize it the next time a similar situation arises.  Like much in life, this is easier said, or written, than done.  I know this part personally too.  Up until a year ago I lived a life of no regrets.  Today I have much that I regret.  And while I am still working on forgiving myself, I can honestly write that I have learned a great deal and I am a more aware and observant person by learning from my regrets.  Hard lessons, but good ones to have learned.

So after all this editorializing about forgiveness, where did I end up with the person in question?  I've asked for forgiveness and offered my forgiveness directly in correspondence to them and now  in this forum as well. I offer both in this forum for two reasons.  First, the idea of the Sacrament of Reconciliation is not just about making things right with God or the one we wronged.  It's about reconciling ourselves to the entire community because our actions in this world have a ripple effect on the entire community, both large and small.  So I ask for forgiveness from all of you for my transgressions.  Secondly, I know that if I forgive this person in an open forum like this that I will hold myself accountable and stick to it.  It's just how I am.  Maybe even how we all are.  When we make a public declaration we commit to a course of action more fully and completely.

To close, I encourage each of you to carefully consider someone you may need to ask forgiveness from or offer forgiveness to in your lives.  Just think about it.  What happens from there is your call.  You know your situation and the other person.  I'm not telling you to do anything- just to think about it.  Again, what happens from there is your call.