There is someone out there in the world who despises me. I'd even venture so far as to say this person hates me. I had hoped that time and lack of or inability to contact would eventually lessen the anger this person has for me. Unfortunately, it hasn't. Several weeks ago this person began to direct their actions towards my friends and started using them as a way to get at me. That crossed a line. And for the first time I began to seriously consider retaliating against this person. I considered my options and was leaning towards a course of action, but in my heart of hearts, I wasn't completely sold on the idea. I had my doubts. So I turned to Mary, through prayer, and asked her to talk to God for me and help me find the answer.
Twenty minutes afterwards I got my answer, and the answer kept coming through multiple channels for the next three days. Forgive. Forgive this person for the problems and damage they had caused in my life and for using my friends to get to me. And ask for forgiveness in turn for my own transgressions against this person. In both cases, this is easier said than done.
The greatest obstacle to asking for forgiveness is pride. When we ask someone to forgive us we are admitting we were wrong, we're not perfect, we're less than the person we want to be or imagine ourselves to be. To ask for forgiveness we must swallow our pride and instead replace it with humility. The next great obstacle is the vulnerable position we place ourselves in when we ask for forgiveness. We show the other person a glimpse behind the curtain when we admit we were wrong. Our everyday face, image or facade is stripped away and we stand before the other person, faults and all. And what a scary place that is- to let another see our faults and weaknesses up close and personal. Because we're so sure that when they see that vulnerable part of us, they'll take advantage of us or use it against us. If not at that moment, then some time in the future. But the great irony is that when we ask for forgiveness we are at our best and strongest. Because we have the courage to see ourselves honestly, to take responsibility for our lives and actions and to put others ahead of ourselves.
To forgive another is an equally scary prospect. Society today practically demands that we fight back whenever we are wronged. Vengeance, revenge, and retaliation are lauded as the best course of action when someone hurts or wrongs us. We should "teach that person a lesson" so the next time they'll think twice before they act or say something against us. But what does that fighting back get us? More hurt feelings, more wasted energy, more worry, more drama and more anxiety? It doesn't take the hurt away and it rarely makes us truly feel better or make the situation better. The only thing that truly works is to forgive the other person. To release the anger and hurt that poisons our souls and replace them with forgiveness. And when we forgive, we should remember to be patient with ourselves. Most times it takes our hearts or emotions time to catch up with what our head knows to be right. But over time, and with patience, our hearts and minds will be in sync and we can truly forgive.
So what's next for me and this person? Check back with me next week to find out. I'm not telling the answer until I've covered accepting forgiveness and forgiving ourselves too. And those ideas are for part two of this blog.
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