Where's the Line?

As I read all the glowing eulogies and commentaries on Steve Jobs last week, one thought kept running through my head.  When is someone going to mention what a flawed person he was?  Did all the cool Apple products overshadow the fact that the guy was known for being a consistent jerk?  And that got me to thinking beyond Steve Jobs.  When do we excuse the behavior of others for one reason or another?  And where's the line for deciding that?

This is one I struggle with constantly.  Nobody's perfect and we all have to accept a certain amount of less than perfect behavior from each other.  So where's the line for accepting bad behavior from others?  And how do we set that line?  As I've admitted in past, I tend to draw the line pretty quickly in the heat of the moment- it's a character flaw that I'm constantly working on.   As I observe, talk to others and think about this more and more, a few things I've considered for influencing that line are as follows:

• Consistency- have I observed the behavior over an extended period of time?  Do others observe or experience the same behavior too?
• Circumstances- is this isolated to a situation or person or is this an across-the-board or long-term problem?  Is the person going through a divorce or other big life change or emotional time and their reaction has caused them to act out of the norm or different from how they would have responded in the past?  None of us are at our best when under emotional or mental stress.
• Personal health or safety- this applies to both mental and physical health.  Is this person abusive, not a good influence or an enabling or unhealthy person for me to be around?
• Timing- is this temporary or permanent?  Do I simply need to be patient with this person?
• If change is needed, is the person willing to change?
• Consequences- what are the consequences of drawing a line?  Am I letting a short term feeling impact a long term outcome?
• Have I considered the other person's side?- so many times we act out of fear to protect ourselves and come off mean, selfish, or unkind in our efforts to put on a brave front and feel safe.
• Is the line we set ours or someone else's?  Are we letting others influence us too much into making the decision that THEY think is right?  Or is someone the Iago in our lives who is pushing us to make a decision that works out better for their interests and not ours?

In the end, I think the lines we set are as different as the people we set them with.  We just need to make sure we think things through when setting those lines and make an informed versus an emotional decision.  Because you never know- the line you set might cost you everything.