If you try to talk to women today about being "submissive" in a dating or marriage relationship, be prepared to duck. Or run quickly. In this day and age such an idea has become volatile, derided- and in my opposing opinion, greatly misunderstood.
A couple of months ago I was talking with a friend of mine about dating and she shared with me that several of the guys she had been out with in the last few months had told her that they were looking for a Hispanic girl to date because "they're more nurturing and submissive". Substitute "Hispanic" for "teacher/nurse" and you have a common comment that I and my friends have heard in the dating world for years. After telling me this, my friend scoffed and said "If they want submissive they're talking to the wrong girl. The last thing I'd ever be is submissive." My response was to give her my polite "I'm keeping my mouth shut because I don't want to fight" smile and change the conversation. Because inside my head I was thinking "you're not listening to what these guys are saying and until you really listen, you'll never get it".
I have to admit, I used to not get "it" either. But after 18 months of "field research" and reading, I've learned that when most men use this word they're not talking about a cave-man style relationship or having complete domination over the woman they are dating or married to. Instead, what they are talking about is a woman who is comfortable with them taking the lead from day one, taking the responsibility and being the "man" in the courtship/relationship or marriage. All they want is to take on the role that their fathers, grandfathers and countless other generations of males have fulfilled in society and families for a couple thousand years now. They want to lead and protect and they want the woman with them to support and accept them in that role. That's all.
So what's a girl to do? First, let the guy take the initiative to call, approach you, talk to you and ask you out. Then watch how he handles himself and how he treats you and others. Women are not powerless in this scenario, as is often the argument when discussions like this come up. Our role in all of this is to choose whether we accept his attention or not and as things get serious, decided if the man is a leader that we want to follow. Plain and simple. That's what dating or courtship is for. Spending time with, evaluating and deciding if the guy you're seeing is a good leader whom you want to lead you and your family one day.
So there you have it. My little "op-ed" piece on why you have to look past the word "submissive" and really consider what a guy means when he says that. If you take an honest look, I think you'll find that what they mean is not bad, negative or "oppressive to women" at all. After all, who wouldn't want to be with a guy who wants to lead, protect and take responsibility for the well-being of you and your children? Isn't that the guy most of us are searching for any way?
Thank you, Annette, I couldn't have said this better myself. I'm looking for a man who can be a good husband and father. A man who is strong, protective, and wise. A man willing to give of himself and make sacrifices for the sake of the welfare of his wife and children. That's what a real man should be like.
ReplyDeleteGood luck to you in your search!